If you’re a freelance translator working from home, you probably have a boss. No, not the agency that occasionally remembers you exist — I’m talking about your cat.
That’s right. While human clients send emails with vague instructions like “Make it sound more natural (but don’t change anything),” my cat has far stricter demands. Here’s why my feline overlord is, hands down, my most difficult client:
1. Unreasonable Deadlines
Human client: *”Can you have this 10,000-word document done by tomorrow?”*
Me: “That’s impossible!”
My cat: [Sits directly on keyboard at 3 AM]
Translation: “You WILL feed me NOW.”
2. Constant ‘Feedback’
Most clients give notes like “Can we adjust the tone?” or “The glossary says otherwise.”
My cat? She slaps my hand mid-keystroke if I dare focus on work instead of her. Her feedback is immediate, physical, and merciless.
3. Demands for ‘Face-to-Face’ Meetings
Clients sometimes want Zoom calls to discuss “the vision.” My cat? Demands lap time during crucial deadlines. If I ignore her, she escalates to standing on my chest and staring into my soul until compliance is achieved.
4. Refuses to Acknowledge My Expertise
Client: “You’re the professional, we trust your judgment!”
My cat: [Knocks coffee onto my laptop]
Message received: “Your judgment is irrelevant. Pet me.”
5. Pays in ‘Exposure’
Some clients offer “great exposure!” instead of money. My cat? Pays me in dead bugs, loud purring at 5 AM, and the occasional half-hearted cuddle. Honestly, it’s a better deal.
6. Insists on ‘Localization’
Client: “Can you adapt this for the Australian market?”
My cat: [Brings me a dead mouse]
Ah yes, the “local delicacy” approach. Truly a cultural nuance.
7. Ghosts Me… Then Returns Like Nothing Happened
Human clients vanish for weeks, then email “Hey, remember that project from 3 months ago?”
My cat? Disappears for hours, only to return screaming like I’M the one who abandoned HER. The audacity.
8. Expects Perks No Human Client Would Dare Ask For
Client: “Can we get a discount?”
My cat: [Demands I hold her like a baby while I work]
Also my cat: [Forbids me from moving my legs once she’s settled]
Benefits package: Unlimited belly rubs, zero personal space.
Conclusion: Should I Fire Her?
Technically, yes. But unlike human clients, she doesn’t haggle over rates, never asks for “just a quick edit,” and her feedback, while violent, is at least honest.
So, I guess she’s hired for life. Now if you’ll excuse me, Her Majesty is yelling at an empty food bowl again.
